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Housekeeping for men

Women are often amazed and appalled at the way men approach housekeeping. In the past I have made some casual references to the fact that men have a different outlook here. I had an uncle whom I visited from time to time whose home had an interior that looked like a series of game trails. Stuff was piled everywhere except where access was required. It was kind of fun walking around, kind of like one of those corn mazes. How did this happen? I will try to explain how our minds work.Vacuuming is a flexible chore. It doesn’t matter how often you vacuum. What matters is if you do this before company comes. It will look the same whether you had one inch or two inches of accumulation, so don’t waste your time on some kind of schedule.Dusting is not a real thing. Sure you will see dust on stuff, but all you really have to do is blow on it or swipe at it with your handkerchief or you could invest in one of those leaf blowers. Just get the stuff that shows.What about mopping the floors? I don’t even know where the mop is. Besides, a good floor, like a bronze statue, looks better with a nice patina, and it adds to the durability of the surface.Dishes have to be washed. There is no getting around this. However, we can take the sting out of the task by disallowing items on the menu that make a big mess. For instance, don’t cook a chicken unless it comes in a roaster bag. This keeps stuff from getting baked on to the pan.Laundry is a separate discipline. Do you separate colors? Well then you are just making more loads of wash to do. Throw them all in together, both in the washer and in the dryer. Let natural selection take its course. If it changes color or shrinks beyond wear ability, you don’t want it in your wardrobe. Oh yes. Real men do not use fabric softener; the coarser the clothes, the more manly. Don’t be in such a rush to wash that shirt or pants with the coffee stain. Just say stuff like, “Wow! Look at what happened to me on the way to work!” Now you can get another day out of it without fussing.Finally, I come to ironing. Most ironing is a waste of time. If you wear it long enough the wrinkles will fall out or you can just throw a sweater over it. If you absolutely have to iron, always use the hottest setting. This way you get done faster.Now do you get it? Bill Abrams resides, and does the minimal amount of housekeeping possible, in Pine Plains.

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