Crabby sports notes from a crabby guy


I went over to my friend Bill’s house to watch the Mets-Cardinals opener Sunday night. We ate a healthy meal of hot dogs and tortilla chips covered with cheese and zapped in the microwave, chased with seltzer, coffee and two stale Cuban cigars that an enemy gave him.

It is now Tuesday morning and my insides are still protesting.

The advent of baseball season is a good time for me usually, being synonymous with trout season and a general lightening up.

But I’m very crabby about it for some reason.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that being a baseball fan in these times requires a working knowledge of contract law and budgets. I’m surprised the baseball cards don’t list the players’ agents:

"Joe Snodgrass, left field, bats right, throws right, 6’2", 230 lbs., represented by Aloysius A. Avaricious."

And while in the old days the card included some harmless little detail of the player’s life — "Joe was enrolled in the Ovine Studies program at the New Mexico Institute of Animal Husbandry and bends metal in his spare time"— today they really should read like this:

"Joe sat out the 2004 season and only returned to the Maulers after a successful arbitration hearing that made him the highest-paid .189 hitter in baseball history."

I was — I don’t know if "amused" is the right word — "interested" to listen to callers on WFAN radio proclaiming that the Mets were the superior team last year, and St. Louis’ victory in the National League playoffs (and subsequent four games to one thumping of the favored Detroit Tigers in the World Series) was a fluke.

Oh really? The Mets were the better team? Then why didn’t they win?

See what I mean? Crabby, crabby, crabby.


u u u


College basketball is now over, mercifully, leaving the NBA as the only place to watch men with thyroid conditions play basketball.

The 82-game regular season, which started in October, is drawing to a close, signaling the onset of a playoff season that will last well into June.

The National Hockey League operates on a similar schedule.

There are 30 teams in each league; 16 make the playoffs. At least in hockey all those teams have winning records; not so in the NBA, where three sub-.500 teams — Orlando, New Jersey and the L.A. Clippers — are currently in.

Every year I wonder why anybody buys a season ticket to one of these franchises, when the regular season means next to nothing.

And just because you call it a playoff game and charge more for it doesn’t make it any better.

Crabby, crabby, crabby.


u u u


I also managed to get out and fish one of our small brooks the other day, one that’s managed as a year-round, catch-and-release fishery. It was cold and sloppy but after about two hours of concentrated effort I managed to land a native trout that might have topped the tape at 5 inches.

The official Opening Day of trout season Saturday, April 21, is fun in its way, but I’ll take solitude and a minor triumph over stocked fish and crowds any day.

Hmm... I seem to have relapsed into crabbiness again.

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