Library patrons reminded ‘No One Walks Alone’

MILLERTON — Honoring Mental Health Awareness Month in June, the Public Libraries of Dutchess County and the NorthEast-Millerton Library encouraged residents to take part in an intimate, open discussion about depression, mental illness and suicide by giving heed to the personal stories shared in the virtual talk “No One Walks Alone” on Thursday, May 27.

Presented by Donna Thomas and Jaime Arnoff of James’s Warriors, the talk was held at 7 p.m. over Zoom.

Thomas introduced herself as the founder of James’s Warriors, founded in honor of her son, James Thomas, who died by suicide on Oct. 19, 2018 at age 19. She explained she started the organization in response to learning that so many people struggle with mental illness in secrecy.

“I knew I wanted to help others to be comfortable with talking about their feelings and thoughts, so they would not have to hide in shame,” she said.

By talking, Thomas said they can save lives and change the stigma associated with mental illness. Before her son’s death, she admitted she had an image in her head about what someone who was suicidal or had depression or anxiety looked like. Through her journey, she said she learned that a lot of people suffer in different degrees from depression, thus the motto of James’s Warriors is “No One Walks Alone.” 

Emphasizing the need to change how mental illness is talked about, Thomas put this need into perspective by saying, “We sometimes judge people who use meds for mental illness but do we judge people who use insulin for diabetes or an inhaler for asthma?”

As she shared stories about her son and how he presented himself to the world, Thomas said she shared these stories because she isn’t ashamed.

“You may think this could never happen to you or someone you love, and that’s what I thought too. I want people to know if all you needed is love to be happy, my son would still be here.”

Along with reminiscing about his love of sports, his lifelong friendships and his sense of humor, Thomas shed a light on the moments of her son’s life in which he struggled with self-doubt and depression. Sharing his milestones — including his graduation from barbering school — she read aloud the speech James was asked to give at the graduation ceremony, dated five months before his suicide. 

In the following months, Thomas said she started noticing changes in James’ behavior, observing that he became frustrated about everything and talked about physical anguish.

Turning to the last week of her son’s life, Thomas recalled his behavior throughout each day leading up to the end. On the Thursday James ended his life, she recalled his last words to her over the phone. Remembering his tone that day, she said she’d later find out people will become calm once their plan to end their life is decided. She then read aloud her son’s suicide note, and the tears slowly fell as his words were read to the audience.

Moment for moment, Thomas recalled the day of James’s death, from the moment his ex-girlfriend called to say James was in a park with a gun to the horror and helplessness she felt in trying to reach out to him or anyone else she could to help find her son, as well as the guilt and questions that racked her in the hours following his death. 

At James’ wake, Thomas talked about how people waited for hours to say goodbye to him and share stories of how James touched their lives. People also reached out to her online to say they suffer from anxiety and depression in silence.

In the last two years, Thomas said James’s Warriors has raised more than $44,000, which goes toward research for the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention and speaking engagements.

Having specialized in youth mental health for the last decade, Arnoff said her presentation was the culmination of everything she’s learned and researched from her daily work. She highlighted her work in engaging youth, teaching them coping skills and making sure they understand  their feelings are valid. If they’re not getting that message and people aren’t modeling those feelings, Arnoff said children will work hard to hide their pain.

“You guys can be a support for the kids around you by modeling for them that it’s OK to have these conversations, not work hard to hide the emotions,” she said. “When kids see that the adults around them are being open and honest about their feelings, they feel like it’s accessible for them, too.”

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