Going crackers

Back in the olden days you had your Saltines, your Ritz and your oyster crackers. If that wasn’t enough, you could put stuff on the first two, like cheese, peanut butter or little salty fish eggs.

The oyster crackers, not so much: too tiny, and the shape is not conducive to piling on. These were specifically intended for use in soup (not oysters).

You could put the other ones in soup, but first you had to crumble them up. It was the custom. I still do this today. It turns your soup into soggy crackers, somehow making it more of a meal.

Animal crackers masqueraded under false colors. They are actually cookies, which in Great Britain would be called biscuits. Confusing.

 Then along came Sociables and the dam was broken. Soon crackers proliferated; cheese crackers, vegetable crackers, chicken-flavored crackers, etc.  One of those cable shows explained how all of these snacks try to create a sudden burst of flavor that dissipates rapidly, prompting us to repeat the process over and over again.

They must be in league with the drink companies, as most of them contain salt or at least dry up your mouth, making you crave that burst of thirst-quenching liquid. Not able to leave well enough alone, we then take another bite of cracker, which begins the cycle all over again.

We seem to take a perverse pleasure in testing our limits. How many can we eat until we are so thirsty that we are about to go mad? Whereupon we reach for the soda, beer, etc., and take an enormous drink while feeling like we really accomplished something with all of that self-denial in the drink department.

This is probably where the expression “going crackers� comes from. We seem to think we are building character. What? You don’t do this?

Crackers are very versatile.  You can put stuff on them or you can put them in stuff. Dip, originally for chips, also has application for pretzels, vegetables and crackers.

Crackers are superior. They can hold more dip and are not prone to breaking, leaving you with the dilemma of not knowing if anyone is watching while you try to retrieve that broken chip with all the good stuff on it from the bowl.

Pretzels just don’t have enough surface area and vegetable sticks are, basically, for martyrs. And you don’t have to double dip crackers because you can really load them up on the first pass.

What? You don’t do this either? Really?

I have to go and find a soda machine now. Suddenly I am really thirsty.

Bill Abrams cracks himself up while pondering snack foods in Pine Plains.

Latest News

Robert J. Pallone

NORFOLK — Robert J. Pallone, 69, of Perkins St. passed away April 12, 2024, at St. Vincent Medical Center. He was a loving, eccentric CPA. He was kind and compassionate. If you ever needed anything, Bob would be right there. He touched many lives and even saved one.

Bob was born Feb. 5, 1955 in Torrington, the son of the late Joesph and Elizabeth Pallone.

Keep ReadingShow less
The artistic life of Joelle Sander

"Flowers" by the late artist and writer Joelle Sander.

Cornwall Library

The Cornwall Library unveiled its latest art exhibition, “Live It Up!,” showcasing the work of the late West Cornwall resident Joelle Sander on Saturday, April 13. The twenty works on canvas on display were curated in partnership with the library with the help of her son, Jason Sander, from the collection of paintings she left behind to him. Clearly enamored with nature in all its seasons, Sander, who split time between her home in New York City and her country house in Litchfield County, took inspiration from the distinctive white bark trunks of the area’s many birch trees, the swirling snow of Connecticut’s wintery woods, and even the scenic view of the Audubon in Sharon. The sole painting to depict fauna is a melancholy near-abstract outline of a cow, rootless in a miasma haze of plum and Persian blue paint. Her most prominently displayed painting, “Flowers,” effectively builds up layers of paint so that her flurry of petals takes on a three-dimensional texture in their rough application, reminiscent of another Cornwall artist, Don Bracken.

Keep ReadingShow less
A Seder to savor in Sheffield

Rabbi Zach Fredman

Zivar Amrami

On April 23, Race Brook Lodge in Sheffield will host “Feast of Mystics,” a Passover Seder that promises to provide ecstasy for the senses.

“’The Feast of Mystics’ was a title we used for events back when I was running The New Shul,” said Rabbi Zach Fredman of his time at the independent creative community in the West Village in New York City.

Keep ReadingShow less