Drop name-dropping

We have all had the experience of hearing a celebrity’s name “dropped†into the middle of a conversation. Many of us have had a brush with a famous person ourselves — and then felt tempted to drop that name.  

In this column, I want to look more closely at name-dropping — the reason why people do it and the effect it has on others.

First, I want to be clear that mentioning someone famous is not always name-dropping.  

Just as when you refer to a family member or friend by name, there are plenty of times when mentioning a famous person’s name in a conversation is integral and appropriate to what you are trying to say. To leave it out would diminish the point you are trying to make, and there are no ulterior motives for including that name.  

That is not name-dropping.

But at other times it is.  Let’s look at the subconscious thoughts that might be going on in someone’s head when they drop a celebrity’s name for a self-serving purpose:

• Others will be impressed that I know famous people

• They will think I am also important

• They will think celebrities want to be friends with me

• They don’t think I am special, but dropping this name makes me special

• I need this person’s approval and this name will give me that

To add something to the conversation that does not really belong implies that something is lacking that will be filled by dropping a name.  The name-dropper may have low self-esteem or a feeling of insecurity, which they think will be cured if others see them as important.  

When I asked, many people said they regretted it after they had dropped someone’s name, saying “I wish I hadn’t done that.â€

 Or, “That did not work the way I thought it would.â€

And here is the real problem; the effect name-dropping has on other people.  

Let’s look at some of the thinking that might go on when hearing that name.

I interviewed a few people to get a realistic point of view:

• There was no reason to mention that name; they want me to think that they are important

• I wish they wouldn’t fling those names around; it has nothing to do with what we are talking about

•  It is annoying to hear these names when there is no reason to mention them

• This is so aggravating that I want to say something, but I certainly don’t want to hurt their feelings

• They must be totally insecure to keep doing that

• They are not really friends with that person

If they were a real friend of that person they wouldn’t be revealing these things.

Bottom line: instead of the desired effect, the results may be the opposite.

Most of the time, people who are hearing  name-dropping don’t think the person is more important. It is sometimes more annoying than anything else.

Finally, what is it like for the person being talked about?  Many celebrities struggle to keep their lives private; their true friends would not reveal private things about them —just as you probably wouldn’t want people doing that to you.

A friend of mine used to say “Klunk†when she heard a name dropped.  

A lot of the time it does land with a thud.

Next time, before you drop a name, think about why you are doing it and whether you will hear a “klunk†when it lands.

Brooke Loening is a life coach in Sharon who works with individuals, and runs weekly coaching groups on achieving growth in career, health and relationships.

For more information and previous columns visit theloeningplan.com.  

Columns may also be found at tcextra.com.

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