So busy? Ask what you are afraid of

In a recent column, I challenged you by stating that being busy all the time is not necessarily good. If you are avoiding difficult issues by staying busy, it will be difficult to make changes without embracing them.  

If you are busy all the time, even if it isn’t to avoid certain issues, you may be blocking your most creative inspirations, which many times come from a place of silence.

In this week’s column, I would like to look into some of the deeper, subconscious reasons for why we have trouble staying still, even for short periods of time.  

If any of this rings true for you, realizing it might free you to enjoy — and benefit from — periods of doing nothing.

After much discussion on being busy, one client of mine had a revelation. He remembered that when he was younger his father used to yell at him to “Get off the couch and do something!â€

He became aware, through talking about it, that every time he sat down and did nothing he felt this urge to get right up and do something productive. The voice of his father was still resonating in his head on a subconscious level, urging him to get up and “do.â€

     Striving for a moment of silence

Is there a subconscious thought pattern that keeps you on the move? Try an experiment. Sit down and just be quiet for 10 minutes. This might seem like an eternity, so set a timer so you don’t cheat yourself.  

What thoughts arise?  What thoughts are you inclined to push away?  The following are some examples of thoughts that have come up for people in some of our group coaching meetings:

• I have so many things that need to get done; I would feel better if I worked on my to-do list rather than sitting here.

• I don’t want to think about my work situation, which is what will happen if I sit here; it’s not great but I am living with it and there is nothing I can do about it that feels realistic.

• If I sit here, I will think about my blood pressure issue. I’m afraid the doctor will tell me something terrible and I don’t want to deal with paying for possible testing that she will ask for.

• I really need to make that phone call, and I won’t be able to relax until I have made it. If I sit here, all I will be able to think about is that call.

• If I sit here and do nothing, that is time that I could be spending doing something productive. I really want to be as productive as I can be.

• I want to get the most out of every day, and that means “doing†at every available moment.

      A fear of wasting precious time

Do any of these sound familiar to you?  

The last one is of particular interest to me, and inspires me to discuss a very deep issue that we all live with on some level: I suggest that we all have a subconscious fear of death and our own mortality, and that fear plays itself out in our everyday lives.  

That might sound a little heavy. Another way to put it is this:  We want to get as much “done†while we are here, and nonproductive time does not fit into that equation.

Many of us feel the need to be productive with our time and get the most out of every day, because someday we will not have the opportunity.

Let’s take a look at this line of thinking, see if it actually is driving us, and if so, if it is working for us in a positive way.  

Try this exercise: Imagine you are on your last day on the planet and are looking back.

Write down some of the changes you would make with the way you spent your time during your life.

• Do you wish you had been more productive?

• Do you regret not having more time dedicated to peace and quiet?

• Do you feel like your life went by too fast because you were so busy all the time?

• Did you chase a goal of getting everything done — a goal that was never attainable?

The truth is that when you die, you will have a to-do list that has not been completed; you will have a mailbox with mail in it; you will still have e-mail coming in; and there will be messages on your cell phone.

We will never reach a goal of having everything done. So maybe getting everything done should not be the goal, consciously or subconsciously.  Asking these questions may help you to determine what is really important in your life.

An affirmation I use is, “I allow time each day to do nothing and to just be present, and that is one of the best ways I can use my time.â€

Brooke Loening is a life coach in Sharon. E-mail Brooke at bloening@snet.net to get more information and free coaching tips. For more information and previous columns visit theloeningplan.com. Columns can also be found at tcextra.com.