Scary, Dark, Silly

Robert Beaucage’s “Spike� is an artsy little horror fable about a gal who is kidnapped by her childhood beau and held prisoner in the woods.

   Which would be neither here nor there except that said beau is completely covered with greasy-looking spiky things and speaks as if he memorized large chunks of “Romeo and Juliet.â€�

   He’s also rather violent and darn quick, as we find out early on when the group consisting of  The Girl (Sarah Livingston Evans), Her Boyfriend (Jared Edwards), His Sister (Anna-Marie Wayne) and Her Girlfriend (Nancy P. Corbo) crashes an SUV in the woods, and when the guy gets out he gets a big something in his neck, and later his still-living body is snatched away.

   Then there’s a whole lot of fiddling and diddling; The Girl gets abducted, and the other two kiss a bit (that they are gay doesn’t matter to the story at all, but the director seems to think it important), and then they flounder around looking for the other two.

   Well, they are off in the woods, in the dark, either slowly bleeding to death or listening to the rantings of Spike (Edward Gusts).

   Which is where this film breaks down. Very little happens, and what does happen occurs in a deep, penetrating gloom. The production notes mentions 12-hour night shoots, six days a week, and I believe it.

   I’m pretty sure the thing ends on a bad note, with everybody dead, but I can’t be sure because the advance DVD started to skip badly and I lost the last 10 or 15 minutes.

   Which was fine, I was fed up anyway at that point.

   We’re talking one good laugh, when TheGirl tells Spike “I loved you like a stuffed animal,â€� thereby tarnishing his memory of their childhood romance. One brief shot of The Girl nekkid. Screeching sounds. Ersatz “Romeo and Julietâ€� dialogue. Spike’s own gross forest paste, used either for eating or binding wounds. Lesbian smooching, for no apparent reason. Also lesbian bonks partner over head with big stick, also for no apparent reason. (Partner eventually dies, for no apparent reason.) Torture of boyfriend, in the dark. Discussion of old Harley motorcycle, in the dark. Eating of gross forest paste, in the dark, with candles. Running through woods in the dark. Falling down in the woods, in the dark.

On the plus side: Nobody swears and nobody smokes, and Beaucage avoids the dreaded close-up deadpan two-shot so beloved of contemporary directors. No obnoxious music, either.

With some tightening up this might be a fun film, but as is it’s a murky mess.

“Spike,� is one of many entries in the Berkshire International Film Festival which runs in Great Barrington, MA, May 14 - 17.

   This gothic tale will be screened at Triplex #2, May 16, at 8:45 p.m.

   This is Robert Beaucage’s first feature film. Until now, he has been working as a 911 operator in Tarzana, CA (where Edgar Rice Burroughs lived, he tells me), and making shorts for film festivals. The idea was to gain attention and, eventually, funding for   a full-length film.

   Although he will not say how much “Spikeâ€� cost to make, he did say it was “a lot less than a million.â€�

   ­— Marsden Epworth