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Little, the new big

The Country Curmudgeon

Small dogs: A lot of people believe that small dogs do not know they are small. This is why they will try to take on much larger breeds. Personally, I think it may be a Napoleon complex, the need to prove themselves equal or better than the bigger guys. I would like to help them.

I am thinking of starting a self-esteem camp for small breeds in which they get to do all the stuff the large breeds do. Of course it is not realistic to expect that a 5-pound Yorkshire terrier can equal say, a 60-pound malemute. In my camp we will have dog sledding, but instead of malemutes and huskies we will have the equivalent in Yorkies and chihuahuas.

So let’s see, 8 x 60 pounds equals 480 pounds of huskies divided by 5 pounds equals 96 little dogs. Sure, it will take a bit to get them all pulling together, but just think how good they will feel at the end of the day — once they get untangled, that is.

How about some police dog training? Piranha-like my 16 pip-squeaks (80 pounds divided by 5 pounds) will engulf the perp and bring him down. One of the advantages here is that unlike a German shepherd, which can be stopped with one good shot, the bad guy won’t have time to get them all before they have him hamstrung.

Search and rescue? My 16 dogs will cover more ground in 10 minutes than your average bloodhound will cover in a day. They can get into those impossibly tight places that little children are so good at finding, too. You might want to dye them in bright colors to make them a little easier to find at the end of the task, or you could glue those little visibility flag antennae onto their little craniums.

Watchdog? What could be better? This is one case where we can use the little guys where their bigger cousins cannot even function. Let’s say you are going to be in a crowd and you are worried someone might snatch your purse or pick your pocket. Just put your valuables in that PBS tote bag and pop your Pekingese in there with them. Now just wait for the fun to begin as Benny the Dip tries to lift your billfold.

Little dogs are famous for giving copious kisses. That is not really what they are doing. If a dog licks your hand, he is probably being affectionate. When they lick around your mouth they are exhibiting puppy behavior, trying to get the adult to regurgitate its food so they can eat. Eeewww!

Now that you are aware of this, it just might work.

Bill Abrams resides (with his 75-pound dog) in Pine Plains.